Irony: Starting a blog about husbands being under-appreciated, and then having this image posted on your wall the very same day.
Truth time. I am so guilty of viewing my husband as my oldest kid. I’ve even said the following (more than once…): “I have 3 boys, and then my husband.” “My husband is 5, on a good day. It’s not a good day.” Slowly but surely though, I am realizing that I am way out of line. This is a very hard trap not to fall into though, we are hit with this from every angle in the media. It is a topic of discussion in all the mom groups I’m part of, and I know that myself and my girlfriends have talked about how frustrating our guys can be. Let’s take a step back for a minute though, and realize what we are saying to ourselves, and what we’re teaching our kids.
My husband graduated top of his class from his tech school. He had multiple job offers before he even graduated. He bought our first house when we were just 22, and I was still in college. Currently he works full time at a job he enjoys, and in turn I’m able to be a Stay-At-Home mom. He is an AMAZING dad. Bed time, bath time, diaper changes, you name it, he does it. He is also a pretty stellar husband.
Now before you start rolling your eyes, or think I have Superman for a husband, let me tell you, that is NOT the case. This is also a man who takes his dirty socks off and leaves them in the weirdest places for me to find later. He is insanely handy and can fix most things, but mostly because he has broken a LOT of things in his life. He never changes the toilet paper roll, and he and I could not communicate more differently if we tried. He’s messy, he rarely cleans up after himself, and he is pretty forgetful. It makes me crazy. He is also the man I chose ‘for better or worse’ and ‘until death do us part’. I picked this dude to be the father of my kids, and to be my partner in raising them.
This may have been an incredibly backward way to make my point, but I do love words, so #sorrynotsorry. In case my point isn’t as crystal clear as I’d like it to be, here it is. We need to decide as women, wives and mothers, to consciously monitor how we see our spouses. When I tell my husband he’s an overgrown 5 yr old, I am belittling him. When I say he’s my oldest child, I’m teaching my kids that Dad isn’t a figure they have to respect. Sometimes we don’t have to be so overt about it either. We have dear friends who have kids, and every time the husband says anything, the wife immediately says the opposite. How confusing for the kids! Parenting is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, parenting with a person who has a different means to the same end, can make it even more challenging. So my challenge to myself, and anyone who wants to join me: fight that lie we’re being fed from the media. Treat your husband as the man you fell in love with, if you and he disagree about the kids, do it respectfully. Choose to see the best, and understand that different doesn’t mean wrong. I’m still working on it, but my goodness, what a difference it’s already made!