It is Finished!

Wholesome-Talk-Challenge

I did it! While I failed to update weekly, I did complete the challenge. So, take the wins you get right!

I am so glad to have challenged myself to changing how I speak. I won’t even try to say that I succeeded fully and that now I have completely mastered my tongue (James 3:6 has thoughts on how do-able that is), but I will say that I have started to change some bad habits that I had.

“Is it necessary?” This was the question that taught me the most, and where I realized I  needed the most growth. It changed my understanding of this undertaking. At first I thought this challenge was a way to be to truly become the Disney Princess I have always wanted to be! Sweet, soft spoken and kind to everyone and then the forest animals would come clean my house. Is anyone surprised that I was wrong? You shouldn’t be. In all seriousness though, I thought the goal was to become kinder and to “build one another up” like Ephesians 4:29 states (that’s the verse that inspired this challenge). It didn’t dawn on me until I put it into practice, that building another person up, or using language that benefits them could sometimes mean saying the hard things. Actually part of the challenge is saying the hard things in a way that helps that person, and not saying things they “needed to hear”.

All in all this has been amazing for my self growth. I still have the verse up on my whiteboard in the kitchen, I still read it and remind myself to strive for that. Did anyone else give this a shot? How did you do? Was it harder, or easier than you thought it would be?

 

Let go and Let God

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Recently I have received some of the greatest compliments of my life. And each time I have been absolutely baffled by them. Friends with a LOT more parenting experience than my 2 short years have called me “inspiring”, “impressive”, and I have been told that I help them seek to be better parents. I asked my husband what these people are seeing that I don’t, he responded with “You go and do things! You’re always on the go with 3 really young kids. You are always smiling and happy about it too.” I don’t buy that, I for one, am NOT always smiling and happy, some days I am very cranky and unhappy, but more than that, I am not the first mom with little kids to go for walks or go grocery shopping, and yet the comments keep coming. But, I think I have finally figured out what they’re seeing.

When we had Bug, it was after two miscarriages. One on Christmas day. In that time of suffering I finally “let go and let God”. I have this amazing habit of being a control freak. I want to figure everything out myself. That doesn’t go well with living a life that is surrendered to God. I still don’t know why my miscarriages happened, I do know that those two children we lost are in Heaven and that one day I will meet them. I also know that when we had Bug, I was in a place where I was ready for God to fully take control of my life. When brought that little squishy dude home, and we looked at each other and had NO IDEA what we were supposed to do with him, so we gave him to God.

The timing of S and A was kind of insane. I knew I was pregnant, and my family was suffering from wanderlust and had just moved, and Jordan suggested that maybe we join them. He put out some feelers to see what would happen. We liked the idea of our kids growing up with family nearby and in the desert like we had. He had had one interview in Mid October, and then on Oct 28 I went to the doctor for my first ultrasound. That was when we learned we were having twins. It was in that moment Jordan looked at me and said “We’re moving.” So we gave it to God. On October 31, we learned that the interview Jordan had, was turning into a job. We had a month to get our house on the market, and move across the state. So we did. We stayed with family, our house sold incredibly fast, and on March 21, we moved into our new home. April 26, S and A joined our crew, a little over 5 weeks early. As I labored that morning, one thought played in my head “it’s too early, they’re going to NICU”. And they did. So I gave them to God. S spent 2 weeks exactly there, A came home on day 12. Thank the Lord, no breathing problems, no heart issues, healthy! just a little on the small side.

See the reason that I don’t see what others are seeing is because I know myself too well. I am selfish, I am not patient, I can be condescending, and rude. I often don’t act in love. But, I have surrendered my kids, my marriage and myself to God, and He has changed those things in me. I am not a perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination. I have no idea what I am doing, and I am almost positive I have to apologize daily. Understand, you are not seeing me, you are seeing the work that God has done through me, and to me. If I have any success in this endeavor, it is only by His grace. So thank you, to anyone who has reached out to me recently. I hope that we can all support each other through this journey, and that God can be glorified in my life.

 

“I could tell”

Dear Fellow Mama of Littles,

I doubt you remember our encounter this morning, but it’s been on a running loop in my mind since it happened. You couldn’t know the kind of week I’ve had, or even the kind of morning I’ve had. You couldn’t have known that in that moment God used you to speak to another worn down and tired mom of littles. You couldn’t have known what a blessing you were to me.

Here’s the truth of the matter. We have been sick, for weeks. The kind of sick where you’re down and out for 4 or 5 days with a fever. Now we are battling a round of eye infections with the twins, and praying no one else catches anything else!  We have made major changes to our 2 yr old’s tiny life. He got a big boy bed, lost his binky and has really grasped this potty training business in the last week. He has taken it in stride, but he is still 2 so meltdowns happen, often. I am struggling because with all the sickness, I have 3 stir crazy boys, and I am their Master of Ceremonies, trying to entertain the two who aren’t sick while I snuggle and comfort the one who is, all while attempting to not pass this around, or catch it myself! This morning though, everyone was finally well enough to venture out for a trip to Target, and a lunch date with Daddy. And that is where you found me.

There was no judgement as you heard me tell my 2 yr old he couldn’t have my coffee, you didn’t give me any funny looks when you saw me standing there with three heads, and obviously needing more concealer. Instead you told me about your littles, shared your story, and finally, told me you recognized me as a sister in Christ. That was what I needed. My morning up until that point was addled with tantrums, more spit up than I want to think about, a major poop blowout, and a very upset Sammy boy. I was just pleased to be out of the house with clothes on and that no one was losing their mind at that particular moment. And now I have to say ‘thank you’.  Thank you for commiserating with someone you didn’t know. Thank you for sharing your story with me, and thank you for one of the best compliments I’ve ever received.

Your sister in motherhood, and Christ,

Katekate twingo

What a difference a week makes

A week ago I set out to challenge myself to only communicate in ways that fell into the standards set in Ephesians 4:29, basically to be mindful of if what I said was: helpful, beneficial and necessary. Here’s how things went.

I started strong! I was hyper aware of how what I said, or wrote, fit into the parameters. The first day I did okay…I mean ish. How we communicate is a very hard habit to break. I actually had to delete a comment on a friend’s thread because while it helped to move the conservation along and was on topic, it wasn’t nice. And because the comment wasn’t necessary, it wasn’t beneficial. I have also noticed as the week has progressed that in a moment of frustration, I can be short, anyone who knows me right now is giving a resounding “DUH”, but I also noticed that being aware of what my communication goals are, helps me to catch when I am falling short, and I can apologize in the moment. We are big on apologizing around here.

I am blessed enough to have a hubby who agreed to try and do this too, and there were a few times we caught one another. Having someone who is there to keep me accountable is huge for me, whether it be the kids or Jordan, having that person to answer to helps me keep my goals in the forefront of my mind. Also, I learned that while Jordan and I have vastly different communication styles, we were able to correct each other in a way that the other one responded to. Finally! 9 years into this relationship and almost 5 years of marriage and we’re finallllllly getting it! Communication is hard!

My take away for this week is: the “and” matters. I would not have a problem succeeding in this endeavor if I could just tick one or two of the boxes, but that “and” means I have to get all three. That my friends is a real challenge. See you all next week! Is anyone else trying this challenge? How is it going?