How ironic that on a day like today, the prompt is “fragile”, on a day when I feel so close to breaking. It has been a hard week, a week that leaves no reprieve on a Friday. A week that has left me feeling like I am running on fumes, and like my soul needs healing.
I am a stay at home mom, my kids are young, very young. My oldest is 2.5, yeah you read that right, oldest. His two younger brothers are equally crazy and rambunctious 17 month old twins. I love my job. I truly take joy in the fact that we are able to make everything work without me supplying an income, that is a luxury not every family has, and me enjoying my role is also a luxury. I don’t feel stuck or bored in this job. Quite the contrary, I am challenged. Every minute, of every day. Did you know that being 1, and 2 is very hard? This week has been wrought with fistfights, and tantrums, and ornery-ness (is that a word?).
We played outside this morning, it amazes me how quickly everyone can switch from happy and playing to screaming and fighting. It only takes a moment. Four distinct personalities, four ways of approaching problems, and four different sets of skills. It can make for some amazing times, where everyone shines equally, or it can make for some epic meltdowns.
A couple weeks ago, I went to a meeting. We were all moms, we all had at least 2 kids in attendance, but my 3 decided to be needy. Who knows why, we can blame teething, or sleepiness, or any number of things. I have no idea what happened at that meeting, I didn’t get any of the information that I needed, I just remember what a mess it was. And then afterwards a friend said that it was reassuring to see me sweat. It was a lighthearted joke, a compliment of sorts. The implication was clear: I have my hands full, but I am rarely rattled. That mess of a meeting helped someone realize I was very human, and not the least bit superhuman.
If you have followed along with my rambling this long, I applaud you. My point will be made clear now. I am fragile, I am human. I have NO idea what I am doing, and right now, I am run down. At a Bible Study this summer we talked about how the strong women, the ones who seem to have it together can be overlooked, they don’t need the support, or anyone to come along side them. I am here to say that as that woman, it’s not true. We all have a breaking point, and get run down. And right now, that’s me.